Starting to hate wedding planning because you can’t stop worrying about other people’s opinions? Feeling paralysed to make decisions because you’re afraid of what people will think?
I feel you. Somewhere along the line, weddings got tied up in the desire to make everything, including yourself, absolutely “perfect”. The trouble with trying to plan the perfect wedding is the inevitable fear of getting something wrong or worse, fear that people will judging you for your decisions.
If you’re ready to leave those uncomfortable feelings behind and instead feel free to plan your wedding your way, then read on!
Everyone Will Have An Opinion About Your Wedding
Like it or not, as soon you start sporting that engagement ring everyone is going to have something to say about your impending wedding plans.
Your Dad suddenly has an interest in what food will be served. Your mum now has big opinions on what dress shapes look best on your body, and she has no problems telling you that you simply cannot wear a strapless style dress (or pure white for that matter, because champagne is so much more “your colour”). Your nosy co-worker who just got married with a full wedding party and church ceremony, cannot fathom why you would ever want to get married in a small city loft with only a few of your nearest and dearest.
Perhaps you can relate?
I don’t say this to scare you, rather, my intention is to prepare you. No matter what you do, someone will have something to say about it. So your number one wedding priority should be making sure you feel good about your plans.
You only have the power to change how you feel after all — everyone else is going to have to deal with their own emotions.
Fear of Judgment
Opinions alone are pretty harmless until we let them get to us. As soon we interpret an opinion with the lens of judgment, that’s where things go sideways.
Judgment is a seemingly infinite resource — we judge those around us based on what we believe to be true about how we should all behave and act, and we judge ourselves because of… well, pretty much everything.
“Fortunately, even as the game of judgement keeps society running smoothly, constantly dictating our likes and dislikes, our loves and hates, human beings are born to transcend. We can go beyond the setup of society, the ego, and judgement itself.” – Deepak Chopra
If you’ve stepped into this zone you might find yourself second-guessing choices you’ve already made or putting off making decisions just to avoid having to tell those in your life about your wedding plans. The fear of what might happen if people aren’t aligned with your decisions, especially if you’re thinking about doing something a little against the grain, can be paralysing.
What the hell will people think if you don’t include a first dance or if you don’t wear a white dress? God forbid you get married without floral centrepieces or a picture-perfect archway, will people talk behind your back? Will people be so thrown off by your out of the box wedding style that they end up not having a great time? Or worse, *gasp*, will they say that your marriage is a sham?
What’s important to remember here is that generally speaking, judgment comes from our interpretation of what someone is thinking which means if you can rearrange your thoughts to stay away from the judgment zone, then hey, judgment be gone!
How to Avoid Feeling Judged About Your Wedding Plans
If you find yourself slipping into the judgment zone, here are some tactics you can call on:
- Think about whose opinions really matter: your wedding is about you and chances are your nearest and dearest just want you to be happy. So if you’re feeling judgy vibes coming from anyone outside of your inner circle just remember whose voices actually count.
- Put yourself in their shoes: imagine for a moment that the roles were reversed, would you be feeling the same judgment that you fear this person is sending your way? Often we project judgment from others that doesn’t actually exist. Flipping the situation can help you see it differently.
- Rehearse your comeback lines: if you’re worried about getting cornered into a conversation that will inevitably leave you feeling crappy then come up with some easy one-liners to help you shut it down before it gets out of hand, “Actually, do you mind if we don’t talk about the wedding right now. I’m trying to make sure it doesn’t consume all of my waking moments.” K, thanks, byeeee. (Check out episode 12 of the podcast for some extra tips on creating healthy wedding boundaries)
- Get clear on your wedding purpose: when you have a clear purpose for why you’re doing your wedding your way, then any negative comments will bounce right off of you. Your confidence, grounded in a clear vision and connection to your values, is like kryptonite to any adverse wedding commentary.
Good News, Nobody Actually Cares About Your Wedding
Let me fill you in on a little secret, I spent 5 years planning weddings and here is one thing I can say with certainty; nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do.
It might sound or feel like your mother, your bff, or your work wife are just as invested in your wedding as you. Heck, sometimes it might even feel sometimes like they actually might care about it more than you do. But that is false.
You see, as individuals, we’re all so wrapped up in our own worlds full of our own fears and anxiety about what others are thinking of us, we hardly have time to think about anyone else but ourselves.
Here’s the liberating part; to think that anyone is going to even spend more than 30-seconds actually judging you because of your wedding decisions is such overkill because according to studies, folks are so overly concerned about what people think about them that even if they have a judgemental thought about someone else, it’s fleeting.
As soon as you realise folks are all too consumed with their own BS, then you can cue up my wedding planning playlist, feel that glorious freedom blowing through your hair, and plan your wedding just the way you want to.
Want to get crystal clear on what’s most important to your wedding? Download my free Wedding Planning Un Checklist now.