Here’s Why That’s the Best News Ever
All human beings have an instinctive desire to feel special, seen, and worthy. Since you’ve made your way here (and being here means with quite a high certainty that you’re a human being who is planning a wedding), I know that you probably want your wedding to be meaningful, unique, and deeply memorable.
So off you go, guns a blazin’— ready to plan a day of celebration, joy, and the love you share with your partner. Dreams of sugarplum fairies serving margaritas and tacos, dance in your head.
As if on cue, your Dad is suddenly upset that you’re not inviting your aunts and uncles, and your cousins, and their extended family friends. Your mum now has BIG opinions on what shapes look best on your body, and she has no problems telling you that you simply cannot wear a strapless style dress (or pure white for that matter, because champagne is so much more “your colour”). To top it off, one of your closest friends, who just got married with a full wedding party and church ceremony, cannot fathom why you would ever want to get married in a small city loft with only a few of your nearest and dearest.
Judgment is a seemingly infinite resource—we judge those around us based on what we believe to be true about how we should all behave and act, and we judge ourselves because of… well, pretty much everything.
“Fortunately, even as the game of judgement keeps society running smoothly, constantly dictating our likes and dislikes, our loves and hates, human beings are born to transcend. We can go beyond the setup of society, the ego, and judgement itself.” – Deepak Chopra
It can become a real tough go when you’re having to not only figure out what you even want to include in your wedding day (having trouble with that? Start here), let alone having to constantly defend your choices, and face judgement from those around you. You might even find yourself putting off making decisions, or second guessing choices you’ve made, just to avoid having to tell those in your life about your wedding plans. The fear of what might happen if people think you’re making the wrong decision, especially if you’re thinking about doing something a little against the grain, can be paralysing. If you are reading this now, thinking “Yes! How did you know?? You’re a mind reader!” I mean, maybe I am, but mostly I just know people, and the extreme power that judgement has over all of us.
And believe me, I get it. What the hell will people think if you don’t include a first dance, or if you don’t wear a white dress? God forbid you get married without floral centrepieces, or a picture-perfect archway. Will people talk behind your back? Will people be so thrown off by your out of the box wedding style that they end up not having a great time? Or worse, *gasp*, will they judge you? That panicked feeling you have when you think about all the things that could go wrong on the day of your wedding, is exacerbated by the fact that we have equated our wedding day with performance and perfectionism.
Let me fill you in on a little secret, I spent 5 years planning weddings and here is one thing I can say with certainty; nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do.
It might sound or feel like your mother, your bff, or your work wife are just as invested in your wedding, as you. Fuck, it might even feel sometimes like they actually might care about it MORE than you do. But that is false. (If you are having trouble saying no to those who love you, help has arrived.) You see, we are all so wrapped up in our own individual worlds full of our own fears and anxiety about what others are thinking of us, we hardly have time to think about anyone else but ourselves.
Here’s the liberating part; to think that anyone is going to even spend more than 30-seconds actually judging you because of your wedding decisions, is such overkill because according to studies, nobody cares about us as much as us. I mean, not because you are not abso-fucking-lutely awesome and worth talking about, but because in general folks are so overly concerned about what people think about them that even if they have a judgemental thought about someone else, it’s fleeting. Soon they find themselves completely wrapped up in their own woes over again. As soon as you realise folks are all too consumed with their own BS, then you can cue up the George Michael Greatest Hits Album, feel that glorious freedom blowing through your hair, and plan your wedding just the way you want to.
So, riddle me this, are you still worried about what other people will think? If so, feel free to get over yourself. As long as you and your partner have a great time, and you feel like your purpose of having a wedding is actualised and realised, THAT’S THE BULLSEYE BABY!