If there’s one thing you want shortly after getting engaged, it’s the exact roadmap you need to plan the perfect wedding.
But when you start planning a wedding in 2020, that perfect wedding roadmap sure looks more like a repetitive formula you feel you need to follow in order to do your wedding the right way.
You simply must have bespoke paper invitations hand-addressed by a calligrapher, you absolutely have to have cute gifts for your guests to take home, and of course, you have to have a dress for the ceremony and another for the reception. And, don’t even think about not having an open bar!
Maybe you’re even convinced that if you don’t follow this exact blueprint, then it means you’re doing it wrong…
But here’s the problem with that scenario — when you’re constantly busy fulfilling someone else’s ideal wedding plan, where exactly do you have the room to express what you truly value?
This modern approach to wedding planning asks that you simply plan yours to look like a cookie-cutter version of the last wedding you went to. Which doesn’t leave you much space to design a wedding that’s perfect for you two.
So when it comes to planning your perfect wedding, the best thing you can do is to rigorously question everything the image that Pinterest portrays to be the perfect (or perfectly on trend) wedding.
Why Are You Doing This?
The first step to planning your perfect wedding is to get clear on your wedding purpose. Ask yourselves: Why are you having a wedding? What do you hope to take out of the experience?
By getting clear on your unique values as a couple, you can begin to design your version of a perfect wedding — not the one that’s been dictated to you and the other hundreds of thousands of couples amidst their own planning journeys.
What do Wedding Traditions Really Mean to You?
It’s so easy to get swept away in your wedding planning checklist with all of its wedding traditions and codes of etiquette, where you begin thinking that these elements are mandatory. As if there are wedding rules that must be followed in order to do your wedding “right”.
But that’s not true at all.
In fact, the truth is, there is not one single thing you have to do at your wedding. None.
In reality, if you look deeply into the wedding traditions we practice today you’ll notice that their origins don’t always have the most savory of intentions, nor do the meanings hold much relevance to our lives today.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I love ritual and intention. The big question is, whose rituals are we using?
“There are so many traditions associated with modern weddings, and we’re simply too scared to leave them behind. When we consider disrupting these expected rituals in favour of something more relevant, we become intimidated because we know that the people in our lives (our family in particular) may be offended. Often, that teetering tightrope balancing act of not offending anyone holds us back from creating or adapting customs more symbolic of our lives today.
In order to give the modern wedding some (profitable) substance, the wedding industry just randomly resurrected a bunch of old traditions and doused them in new millennial-pink meaning. While we have developed a sentimental attachment to them, when you look into it, these customs have very little cultural meaning.”
The best thing you can do is to look at each wedding tradition, understand it’s origin and meaning, and then decide if that feels right for you.
Make Up Your Own Wedding Traditions
Once you begin to question whether the wedding traditions you know actually resonate with you or not, now you have the chance to make up your own rituals and traditions.
What words can you say in your ceremony vows that speak specifically to your story and your vision for the future?
What experience or rituals represent the things that are important to you?
What format can your event follow that feels aligned to what you want to manifest for your future life together?
So when it comes to planning your perfect wedding, you can, and should, question everything. That’s the secret no other wedding blog is telling you.